“Hail To The, Um, NFL Team In Washington, D.C! — Whatever They Call It Next”

by New York Times Bestselling Author Michael Levin

The football universe is anxiously awaiting the new name for the Washington NFL football team formerly known as the Redskins.

The football universe will have to wait a lot longer, due to yesterday’s announcement that the Washington football team would be known as…wait for it…the Washington Football Team.

Clever, huh?

According to the Washington Post, 90 percent of Native Americans aren’t bothered by the previous name, and some of them even see it as a source of pride.

Nonetheless, this is an era of sweeping social change, and the team’s corporate sponsors, including FedEx, have indicated that failure to come up with a new nickname won’t be tolerated.

So far, no word on what that new name will be.

I thought I’d very helpfully provide some possibilities.

Let me know if you like any of them, or if you have an idea of your own.

1. The Washington Monuments — if they continue to play like they were immobile and made of stone.

2. The D.C. Bombers — to honor the military, and also quarterbacks who can throw long passes.

3. The Washington Lobbyists — to honor the major local industry, like the Steelers or the Packers.

4. The Washington Players — if they can’t get their sexual harassment scandal resolved anytime soon.

5. The Washington Jews — we Jews would love to hear on ESPN, just once, “Man, the Jews are tough this year!”

6. The Washington Georges — to honor the first President.

7. The Washington Filibusters — since the games drag on too long.

8. The Washington Flag Supremes — Honors the Court, and also both Betsy and Diana Ross.

9. The Washington Watergaters — for those who like trick plays…and finally,

10. The Washington Team To Be Named Later — if the people inside the team are having as much trouble as I am coming up with the right name.