Paulo The Car Thief No Longer Has This Number

We moved to Boston seven years ago, and I got a new cell number beginning with area code 617, because we figured we would be here for a while.

Turns out a guy named Paolo had my cell number before I did, something I learned because I received constant calls for him from car dealerships, finance companies, and debt collectors.

The callers all wanted to know where the car was.

It would appear that Paolo is responsible for the theft of dozens of cars across the United States.

In the words of Elvis Costello (“Angels Want To Wear My Red Shoes”), at first I was disgusted, and then I was amused.

Then I started to have fun with the callers.

“Yes, this is Paolo,” I would tell them, “and you’re never going to see the car again. Have a nice day.”

Or, “This is Paolo’s attorney. How might I help you?”

It was fun.

I thought that after a while, the calls would stop coming.

After all, how many cars can one guy steal?

Apparently, Paolo, wherever he is, still uses his old cell number, now my cell number, on applications for credit cards, car loans, and so on, because the calls just keep on coming.

I got one just last week, in fact, which prompted this column.

It makes me wonder.

What kind of cars does Paolo prefer?

Why does he need so many?

What does he do with them once he gets them?

Does he drive them around for a while and then fence them?

Or does he just run out of gas and abandon them on the side of the road?

What would cause someone to be a car thief in the first place?

And if our vaunted law enforcement system is so crackerjack, why is this guy still at large?

I don’t begrudge Paolo his criminal career.

I’m from New York, which means that I understand that everyone has to make a living.

As I said, it’s now seven years since I’ve had the number that once belonged to him.

So if you’re a finance company, please note that Paolo is no longer at this number.

I am not his attorney.

But if you’re dumb enough to give him a car, and you call my number, then I have the right to make fun of you.

And I will.